I am a loser.

For the past month, I wanted to post something on this blog but every time I tried, it will stop here:

BLANK.

Every time I wanted to type something awesome, just as soon I clicked the button "New Post", I went blank. My mind shut down due to overflow ideas, expectations, words in my mind that I can't channel it through my fingers. (That's actually the exaggeration version of my blank mind.)

So, I exited the page and went to people's blogs, page and such. I wonder, how they do that? How they can regularly update their blogs? Well Sarah, it is because you are a loser. HAHA... That doesn't answer my questions but yes, it is true. I am a loser. And we just leave at that. :\

Dear Rose,

How are things? :)

I made a new blog yesterday. I thought I was going to start a new blog since I wanted to start fresh after school. No drama shits and craps related to where I'm heading. But there's a little but inside me said, "Don't leave this blog, Sarah. You made this since 2006! You can't leave this now..." Weirdly enough, I listened to the little voice inside me. 

Therefore, here I am typing this post as long as I could. 

But I changed my blog layout though. It symbolized the new me, yada yada yada... 

Actually, there are lots of drafts on my posts list, my thoughts, my ideas, my perspectives. I might post them here. But I don't know yet.

On early January, I wanted to back to basic and write on my diary instead of my blog but I've learnt that write on a diary is more dangerous than writing on this blog. Yes, I know random people can read my thoughts but I rather choose random people than my mom reading my thoughts. I know she knows what best for me and she thought she's being supportive but the truth is, it's not helping at all. I felt very uncomfortable and then I gave up. I need to do things on my own. That's how I roll. I need to do things independently. I might help along the way but in the beginning, I love doing things on my own.

Mama, I love you but please, don't read my diary.

Speaking of doing things on my own, I want to visit museums in Melaka by myself. Yeah, actually it's kinda nice when you're just with your thoughts and nothing else. But I wish I could record my mind. It sounds better in my mind. I tried to write on paper what exactly in my head, after a few sentences, I stopped. It sucks. I need to practice more. 

For those who always asked me what am I effing doing at home, I am currently teaching myself English. haha.. Yes. 

kthxbye.